Q&A: My wife won’t have sex unless I start it, when I do she just lays there… What gives?
Question by Naive Married Man: My wife won’t have sex unless I start it, when I do she just lays there… What gives?
My wife and I met while we were in our early 20′s and we had sex a lot (like all couples that age). Thinking back, I realize I was the instigator and she was never the one to start it (which I was fine with because I was young and willing).
We’re now in our late 20′s and through the last 8 years, the only time we had sex was when I instigated it or when she “celebrates” my birthday. My instigation has changed over the years (because of kids) and it went from physical and emotional advances to a suggestion (due to many years of rejection), but needless to say, I’m still the instigator. I’ve tried to be physical and emotional but she pushes me off of her and says “not in front of the kids” or “not now, I’m not in the mood” (which is an oxymoron if you read all of this)… We went from having sex every day, to once a week, to once a month… I used to watch porn and masturbate to supplement the times I was rejected (which caused me to be addicted to it because I was rejected often)…
I’m tired of being the one who has to initiate all the time. It seems like if she “wanted it” she would come get it but she’s proving to me that Facebook and her romance novels are more important than some alone time with her husband because she never comes to get it. She’s so incredibly prude it’s resentful to me because I feel so unwanted! She doesn’t even try to act/look sexy, masturbate, dream about it, or talk about it… It’s almost like sex is taboo. She’s not religious but she’s acting like the ultimate saint (which is totally opposite of what I’m used to)…
Now let me get something straight, I did know of her prudence when I married her but I thought it was because we were young, inexperienced, and because I was such an overbearing kind of guy… The marriage is perfect and I love her for who she is, but EVERY man needs sex in their life, it’s healthy and it’s a form of closeness. I can live without sex (like I have the last 8 years) but masturbation’s lost it’s fun and I’d rather have the real deal…
I’ve talked to her about it and she’s told me that I can have sex *any time* I want to but I have to make the first move… But if she wants it “all the time” then why won’t she start it??? After this conversation, I took advantage of it and made the first move, but she just laid there and let me do my thing, she was very uninterested in the matter… I’d rather use a fleshlight then a girl who lays there and does nothing…
I’m starting to feel so much rejection that I want to prove to her that I’m still a desired man and go find someone who DOES desire me because obviously she doesn’t… I’ve lost weight, I’ve tried to better myself, I’ve done nothing to make myself less desirable! She swears there’s no childhood trauma that’s preventing her and she tested negative for depression, so WTF!!!!! I’ve tried to help her by encouraging her, talking to her, and having her read several websites proving that sex helps make two people close… I’m not nagging her but I’m giving her reminders every few weeks that it’s been a while…
Lastly, I’m the stay at home dad so don’t you DARE go on a rant about how hard it is to be a woman. She works 40 hours, comes home, and puts her nose in the laptop or a book.
I worked for 7 years, I was there. Now I’m a stay at home dad going to college. I know what it’s like being the bread winner. I’d go back to being the bread winner if I could, it’s EASIER being the bread winner than the homemaker…
Answer by Eric
You find the solution, you let me know…. I’ve been living the same for the last 8 years (married 15 come august if I make it that long)
I perpetually have other women chasing me, eventually i’ll let one catch me.
EDIT: Maybe what you need to do is develop a necrophilia fetish. At least that way banging your wife would be pleasurable. Its a pity, I never figured out how to gain a new fetish, I guess i’d have to make space by getting rid of some of the existing ones
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